Extinguishing The Flame

I used to think I should not feel certain emotions. So I would try not to, with varied success. Mostly, I think, I was putting off feeling them. I asked the therapist about feeling or not feeling any of the various emotions we humans are subject to. He said 'just try not to' in such a way to indicate that there really wasn't a way to avoid feeling. He gave me some examples of how he handled various emotions. Ways to ride them out? 

You are told to choose to be happy. Still good advice but in the moment I think you can also choose to be any of the emotions you are currently feeling with the goal to not let them wrap you up so tight that happy can't find it's way back to you. 

I am riding out some sadness today. It won't destroy all the pleasures and blessings of this day. I won't let it. I made a decision to accept a situation in my life. Why? I can't change it because I can't change the other person involved. So I was left to make the decision to accept. I feel it is the right decision from several different view points.  But once you make that decision you give up the dream you had of how you hoped things would be. So that is part of the sadness -I've given up my dream. Also making decisions changes you. In this case, I hope to achieve some peace with acceptance, which would be a good change. But in giving up my dream, I know I will be altered, in a way I really had hoped not to be. Part of my flame will be extinguished. That, too, is part of the sadness. Another part is feeling sad that the other person could not step up to be part of my dream. Arrogant expectation, I know, and that is why I accept. But the disappointment and sadness are still there for me to ride out.

I don't know how things will work out. I just know that who I am is being shaped by this decision and every other one I make. Yesterday I was told I was astonishingly perceptive. I believe I am granted a flash of intuition once and awhile. But as regular readers of this blog know, that doesn't often extend to my own path. 

How does this decision make me be? Compassionate. Practical. Realistic. Loving. Those are all welcome ways to be. And in time I hope they will offset the sadness.