page two 01/27/2012

I listen to it. //
Hoping it is wrong. The sound //
of that little voice. //

It isn't much fun //
to prove to you I'm stupid. //
Wanted to leave doubt  //

You are you and I //
am me. It's the contrast that //
kicks me in the gut //

You say you're lucky //
Are you overlooking the  //
obvious? You're nuts! //

How do you think it //
makes me feel knowing that you //
did not think of me? //

I see you, hear you //
feel your presence daily //
Still you are not you. //

I don't believe the //
good you see in me. Retro //
ripping can do that //

Math  doesn't add up //
when your actions take away //
years we had been we //

I've heard being hurt //
is all my fault. Add it to //
the list of everything //

Not angry, don't care //
Play the looky lou if you wish //
My tank is empty //

Not sure you know all //
you think you do about me //
And you never will //

Like perimeter //
fence my heart is enclosed in //
Concrete and rebar //

By accident you //
get a glimpse, but I promise, //
you will not get more //

Very hard to watch //
my feelings swirl down the drain //
foundation crumbled //

what is left? after. //
a complicated jumble //
of God knows what //

It is so far gone //
I can't remember if it //
was ever real //

Who you say you know //
Is the teensiest seen part //
All the rest hidden //

If you accept praise //
You must accept criticism //
Neither need be true //

awaken in dark //
that strangles. fight urge to scream //
why bother? alone. //

01/ 27 / 2012

Leaking tears today //
Am feeling like life's burden //
Spitting in the wind //

So why am I here? //
The big picture escapes me //
Mirror reflects nil //

There are no echoes //
Of me in halls where I've passed //
Was I really there? //

Kindness has ripples //
Music has sound waves that expand //
My being? Futile. //

Feel like I'm taking //
The place of one more worthy //
Ready to go on. //

Fooling myself to //
to think I could be happy //
just not in the cards //

An extra part sent //
with object to assemble //
Not needed for sure //

A second date is //
Impossible when you have //
Lied about the first //

A sympathy suck //
Extracted by partial truth //
Is friends being used //

Two faced, too many //
Try a little honesty //
If you're acquainted //

Extracted from claws //
Able to breathe once again //
A very close call //

Bald faced 'art' //
Doesn't need back up from pros //
Ugh! Nauseating! //

No gun to your head //
No knife at your back, simply //
The damage of choice. //

I asked if there was //
need to explain. You gently //
said 'No I know you' //

Nothing is simple //
from my point of view until //
Your arms surround me //

If we all have a //
A part to play in this life //
I think I'm the shim //

Surrender is not //
part of my make up, therefore //
Struggle is the norm //

Art is the language //
That no one yet has learned to //
speak but all may grasp //

Looking backwards is //
Like looking down from crossed bridge //
Heart pounding relief //

I am just not good //
enough. I can't escape this //
evaluation //

1/21/2012

What you've forgotten //
Is I just don't give a damn //
What you think of me //

Lumbering along //
Downfall being the hand out //
Believing you're owed //

What you can do is //
Disproportionate to the //
Load of excuses //

One hundred reasons //
My future will be brilliant //
Number one is you //

Sorry for all who //
Believe you, for they will be //
Sore disappointed. //

Like a dinosaur //
Living in the stone age //
Claiming modernity //

Interesting how //
They have, once again, gotten //
The status quo back //

Conforming to their //
Expectations and comfort //
Life solitary //

Poison control called //
First aid then administered //
Feeling much better //

Her child inherits //
Her barely veiled prejudice //
Taught by example //

Friends whose unspoken //
Expectations are not met //
Are not as friendly //

Wiped away and gone //
Like all you claimed to 'forget' //
Memory vanished //

When all is said and //
done, I am the lucky one. //
Well do I know it //

Great fun giving voice //
and painting the word pictures //
Living inside me. //

When we are apart //
An astral line connects us //
I'll never let go //

I picture our souls //
Dancing, twirling, making love //
Amidst galaxies //

The oft asked question //
To which I have no answer //
A knife to the gut //

To save you her pain //
I would erase our knowing //
Our 'We'? A near miss. //

page two 1/19/2012

Drippings from the tap //
Evaporate to nothing //
So very happy! //

Happy tears falling //
More often these days. Reluctant //
to wipe them away //

Learning every day //
Signed up for long term study //
Can I google you? //

How did this happen? //
A true mystery that even //
Sherlock couldn't solve. //

May be hard to hear //
my dear, but still I'll keep on //
You are amazing //

It can't be easy //
But oh I wish it could be //
For you deserve it //

The years will go by //
But sure there will come a day //
Her anguish will hit //

Your hand on my hip //
We two alone on a bridge //
Marked by monument //

1/19/2012

Living the moment //
Would be so much easier //
Without tumbling thoughts //

No magics have I //
Save one. Made you disappear. //
Excommunicate //

Hand in hand I go //
Sharing smiles, miles with my love //
Your choice? Left or right. //

Walk along river //
City streets, shores, or bridges //
A favorite thing //

Thankful to be done //
What's past is unimportant //
Nonexistent now //

'Data' provided //
Only served to bring us close //
And revealed you //

Ignored, erased, nil //
I am so good at it too //
Completely content //

Sinking in the bath //
Grateful for the hot water //
And your steamy gaze //

Not taking your word //
On anything about me //
You only see you //

Never feel safer //
Then when your hand cups my cheek. //
Either one of them. //

Reason you can't see? //
The huge chip on your shoulder. //
Not your fault? Again. //

Your failure's on you //
Not taking blame for your choices //
Grow up already! //

I have learned some things. //
A plenty, the hard way, it's true. //
Will not repeat you! //

The contrast's glaring //
Now that I have eyes to see. //
What took me so long? //

No respect for you //
Take responsibility! //
It's all about you. //

Felt dirtied by your //
Grasping, greedy, sucking ways //
I cleaned up just fine! //

1/15/2012

You ever look back //
And wonder at the miracle //
Of making it through? //

One minute I'm calm //
The next  one deprived of
hope //
Overworked emotions //

I woke up alive. //
Breathing. Must mean I'm not done. //
Wondering with what? //

Doesn't it seem way strange //
That we are separate bodies //
Breathing the same air? //

The possible answer //
Is this is all a big joke //
Still, there's miracles.  //

Clothed with dignity //
Sheltered by propriety //
Silly in question //

Standing aside //
Taking it all in calmly //
Panic comes later. //

We choose what to share //
Entree, sides, appetizers //
Don't forget dessert //

Feeling your feelings //
That is a new one to me //
The shoulds really suck //

Fascinated with //
Those who know their way //
Without a road map //

Sometimes the correct //
Answer is a warm blankie //
And a lengthy nap //

Thankful for authors //
They dispatch me to places //
I have never been //

Less is more unless //
We're considering orgasms //
In that case go splurge //

page two 1/14/2012

Vessel for your want //
I remain indifferent //
Mayhap paralyzed //

Stringing the soup cans //
Stretching them out the distance //
Do you hear me now? //

Your ornery grin //
0ur thinking that is mirrored //
Is a sparkly gift //

Miss Contrary likes //
And dislikes our differences //
Just depends on my mood //

Paper and pencil //
Not sapphires, rubies or pearls //
Are my valuables //

When you're missing faith //
Is it under the mattress? //
In a cookie jar? //

For someone so //
conventional, so Midwest //
I surprise myself. //

I've been many places //
My foray in loving you? //
The most exotic //

Religion surrounds //
Like a mummy wrapped in sheets //
Must be dead to dig. //

Feel like the turtle //
Being passed in the race. Puzzled. //
When did I enter? //

Your touch is healing //
Hands, arms, lips- even when we //
Aren't playing doctor //

Wasn't looking up //
Mistake. The anvil of you //
Crashed into my head //

Obvious is not //
When your head is in the clouds //
Must be my shelter //

You do not mind well. //
Remember? I told you then //
You weren't to love me. //

1/14/2012

My eyes are just brown. //
I don't see what you see. //
When you look at me. //

Why oh why oh why //
Have you dipped your toe into //
This cold, icy stream? //

I am suspicious //
Of any good in my world //
How effed up is that? //

I'd do most anything //
For you, him, her, it and them. //
Who is missing here? //

I don't always know //
What the fuck I'm afraid of //
I just know that I am. //

If I was not here //
Would breeze carry the fragrance, //
Of roses on my grave? //

If I choose to hurt //
I must be one stupid broad //
With one broken heart //

In the midst of all //
My loneliness is increased //
Exponentially //
I am so good at //
Asking  pertinent questions //
Too good I've been told //

I want to argue //
With all the wise, learned folk //
As they light the way //

Sometimes we make sense //
Sometimes I'm convinced of crazy //
Yet you still remain //

Your unintended //
Arrows are still as sharp as those //
Aimed with ill intent  //

Heart sinking feeling //
To realize my bondage //
Is all about me //

You participate, //
In my self imposed silence //
I pound on the glass. //

The Me who is I //
Was never enough. Upshot? //
You did not know ME //

Variations on //
the same theme really serve //
Only to derail //

How do you handle //
Envy from others?
Awkward. //
They see outwardly. //

One thing that's bogus. //
Help isn't just around the corner. //
Winging it alone. //

The distance may not //
be mediated by unions //
We aren't unionized. //

1/13/2012

Discount this number //
Hungry parasite, fright, writhes //
Within your own head //

I light this candle //
In memory of Stephen //
Brother to Laura //

You are a pain. //
In the ass. Undoubtedly. //
Why must I love you? //

We send them away //
Praying for all we are worth //
 That life treats them kind //

Fire dragon is drawn //
But surprise! It comes to life! //
Sculptress reassessed //

Sad I simply don't //
have any answers that suffice. //
So damn frustrating! //

Clinging to notions //
possibly antiquated. //
Rather cling to you. //

There are haters there //
And most likely lurking here //
I'm not one of them //

Pretty damn happy //
When I see my friends exceed  //
Their expectations //

Wish I was braver //
Wish I had wise thoughts to share //
Just the 'Haiku Queen' //

Kinda hoping it's //
Not totally up to me //
No one's hand to hold //

All seems clear to you. //
So hard to believe, I ask,  //
What you been smokin' ? //

I drive you crazy //
Just keeping my fingers crossed //
more in bed than out! //

Page Two 1/12/2012

You looked right through me. //
Hey! Should I apologize //
For the air I breathe? //

Keep your compliments. //
I'll work the manufacture //
Of my own value. //

Staying up till three //
seemed like a good idea //
As the words seduced. //

Can it be, that you //
and me won't make history? //
Busy making time. //

Trying to mind my business. //
The line between mine and theirs? //
Not always clear-cut. //

Cold blooded -so what? //
Walk for a spell in my shoes. //
Seven and a half.  //

Doubt ability //
To live my life as I have //
I'm fucked by choices //

Go on! Live your life. //
Cast the die and go do it! //
I do not hate you. //

Speak obscenities //
Awed by your inventiveness. //
God damn you are cute! //

Never satisfied //
And that's mostly the problem //
When I think on me. //

Sometimes happy is //
The same as reaching for stars //
Unobtainable //

Inertia presumes //
That you gave a flying fuck //
Fundamentally //

1/12/2012

Verified, you are //
present and accounted for. //
As you pass, I wave. //

Plans are so silly. //
It is what it is and so //
why do we make them? //

I'm not who you think //
Not what I've represented //
You'll know when I do //

Do spirits regard //
Our doings with amusement //
Or manipulate ? //

When the moon is full //
Do I share it with you or //
let you view alone? //

Not certain what's next. //
On my journey. Thinking
thoughts. //
Can I mold the clay? //

It helps to talk but //
at some point you must let go //
and free fall. Good Luck //

So why do I care? //
Let me ask how you can not? //
It is who I am. //

Stubborn! Digging in. //
I'd like to see you try to //
change me. Belly laugh! //

Emotions are best //
Viewed under glass like the //
smashed rose at Grandma's. //

The unexpected //
Can so bite you in the ass //
To this I say: FUCK! //

Saying goodnight might //
mean something more, if I was //
sharing your blanket. //

Get up! Get moving. //
Do not stop until you have //
passed go or passed on? //

Too many haiku //
My weary head must rest now //
My words stay awake //

1/11/2012

Green dragon takes flight //
With imaginings of fear //
Skyward it expands //

Can't be all to you //
Hanging on to the hope,
though //
That I am enough //

Plastering up wall //
Defense not in denial //
Alternate focus //

If I was right then, //
And I really thought I was, //
How could I be wrong now? //

If I am right now, //
I fear my now can not be. //
Confusing ain't it? //

The joke of leering //
we share. The truth of leering? //
Betrayed by behind. //

1/10/2012

You've done this before //
I know. I'm in denial //
I want to be new //

Hurt, pain, and sorrow //
Evicted from within the //
Circle of your arms //

I've never seen a //
More complicated color //
Green eyes. Amazing. //

From now until then //
You can keep the real world //
I live dreamily //

Who's the lucky one? //
The one who gets to smile back //
At your loving smile //

We gather our things //
Leave together. I'm thinking,//
'you're leaving alone.'//

I wonder how they //
Finally got their own way //
When you saw it true? //

Waking up feeling //
Your lips slowly exploring //
wilderness. Adore. //

You read me. Too well. //
Can I have a few secrets? //
Fancy mystery? //

Nothing I can say //
Will wash away falling tears //
Silent sympathy //

Jan. 5 & 6 2012

Feeling the magic //
in the moment our eyes meet //
vow of forever//
01/06/12

Darkening eyes pierce //
Finding the weakest places //
Filling them with sighs//
01/05/12

1/03/2012

Your hands tender, strong //
Glide over my spine in search //
of peaks and valleys. //