Capricorns take things seriously. I am no exception.
As with most things this has benefits and disadvantages.
To take something seriously requires thought. Usually thought is better than charging in blindly.
But as most would agree, some things in life require faith. Believing without proof. Romantic love is one of these things. A person can and should analyze the object of their affection to see if a relationship is feasible. A number of factors should be considered. But after all this is done what next?
The next part is something most Capricorns have a real problem with.
Taking the plunge. And this part is inescapable. It's like an infant taking first steps. They know they want what is across the room. They have practiced inching along the coffee table. They have observed those around them doing it. But taking those first steps can be likened to a precipitous drop into a dark pit.
Romance. A precipitous drop into a dark pit. If there is anything I hate more than not knowing I don't know it. Calculating, theorizing, a bit of experimentation- all good things but absolutely no guarantee of successful romance. Because (and I cringe as I write this) THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES. As I have found, neither brains, logic nor longevity can guarantee one's happiness with a partner.
Whether I like it or not there are things out of my control. How another chooses to behave is one of those things. People are people. They screw up and hurt you. Then what? Two little words with enormous impact. Then what? I am not proud to admit that I am stuck here.
I just don't know and as we all know I hate that. With a passion.
I have choices. Choices I certainly never, ever anticipated. Choices that pull me out of my comfort zone. But that zone is mighty comfortable. It is all I know. It is my life. Change is not easy. Despite what plucky heroines in short romance novels would have you believe.
Change is also inevitable. But like my cat who extends all 4 legs to grip the cat carrier to prevent being removed, I resist. I don't know what would happen, how to go about doing it or trusting that once done I would be ok. In short, I am afraid. Again, unlike our plucky heroine.
I so admire the courage it takes to uproot. I'm ashamed that I don't possess it.
I fall short of my own expectations again and again.
It is discouraging and makes me sad. I wish I was better.
No, change is not easy. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is kidding themselves. But fear is natural. I think it is a natural partner to the word "change." And fear can be either a cautious guide or a roadblock to that change. That is up to the person who has the fear. I've told you before you are one of the strongest people I know, and that is still the case. Making decisions, especially about changes, is never easy, and each decision comes in its own time. (I know this, but you also have been the person to remind me of this very thing when I have been in a similar place.) There is no deadline on making a decision (unless you are talking taxes!). You also are quite courageous, though I think you forget that in all of what you are going through. But like the toddler, sometimes taking that plunge is worth the risk. You learn to walk. Yes, you might stumble a bit, but those of us who love you will not let you crash and burn. We will be there to catch you, encourage you and support you always. This I promise you. Have a little faith in yourself, OK? I do. - KED4CKF
ReplyDeleteA Capricorn is a special kind of person. I find some familiar things in your writing. But then, I'm an early January birthday boy. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIt is a privilege and a help to be able to. Dec 30 here.
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