I was once accused, angrily, of not having to worry ( about making my living ).
This is true. I have not had to worry about making my living. This angry accusation has stuck with me and weighed heavily on my heart. It pushed so many of my buttons and still does.
I worked until my second son was about a year old. Then the decision was made that I'd stay home with the boys both of whom saw the doctor frequently. It wasn't an easy decision and I did not have the full support of my husband who was ( rightfully ) worried about finances. Finances were very, very hard and for a time we let my Dad help us though that was extremely difficult because he wasn't gracious about it.
It was an adjustment to stay home but once I did I enjoyed it. I did most of the typical things a Mom of two young boys did. When they were both in school I helped some there. I cooked a lot and kept house, grocery shopped and took kids to the doctor as needed. And it ended up being needed a lot.
While I felt busy, I was not contributing to our living. The years have passed and I still do not though I am making attempts to earn through my art.
So what does this mean?- I didn't have to worry. While it is true I did not contribute
monetarily ( other than helping quite a bit when I inherited some money ) it is not true I didn't worry.
I handled the bills. I humbled myself to remind my Dad to help until we no longer needed it. I stayed awake at night and wondered how we could make ends meet. I bought the 10lb packages of chicken quarters for $3.90 and devised ways to use them over and over.
Yet despite these contributions, the accusation of not having to worry hit hard. Made me feel guilty for my life and anything we had. Made me feel incredibly lazy and worthless.
It is true that having a choice, I'd like to earn money by creating art. Holding a full time job ( that i could get currently ) doesn't appeal. I guess this can be interpreted in whatever manner you might choose. Lazy. Shiftless (literally!). Parasitic. A burden, etc. I certainly have felt like these things at times.
But while it is true I have not had to worry about providing a living, it is not true I did not worry. My Mother used to say that if you threw your problems out in the back yard with everyone else's you'd see what theirs were and run out real quick to snatch yours back again. Another saying I'm thinking of is-be kind for everyone is fighting a battle.
I have fought and continue to fight my battle. If all you see is 'things' and the only thinking you do is to make assumptions and you are so busy hefting the chip that lies on your shoulder- than I can see how you'd think I've never had to worry. But you'd be wrong about that. Very, very wrong.
Providing a living is only partially about providing income. As anyone familiar with finances will attest to, both income and expenses are involved. A family needs to bring in enough income, but a family also needs to keep expenses down to a minimum. As you alluded to in your post, you spent many years involved in the reduction of expenses, which meant you *did* worry about providing a living.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about providing a living is that if a person works at the fundamentals for long enough, it comes to a point where the behaviors become ingrained, and it only appears to "be easy" to people who didn't work at those same fundamentals along the way...and thus it comes off as "not having to worry" to them.
Myself, I wish that they'd make money management a mandatory set of courses throughout school.