Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Today is a Day
Today is a day. Pretty obvious and hardly worth mentioning. Except in my case today is likely the day I will find out if I have cancer. A regular mammogram lead to some additional testing which resulted in a needle biopsy on Monday.
So weird what you notice as you step out of yourself in a moment you didn't expect. The radiologist who did the biopsy looked like Kevin Costner. Sounded just like any boy from home though. Her hands as she held mine were warm for a change. I asked her to keep him updated. Time seemed different as the doctor pulled specimens from my right breast. What was supposed to take twenty minutes took an hour. But it didn't seem that long. I wasn't sure where I went during the biopsy but I don't think I was fully present. I knew she would be anxious and sure enough when the tech went to get her from the waiting room she was standing near it's door. I wasn't sure I had wanted her to go till I laid down on the bed and the tech went to get the doctor. In that moment, the comfort of her presence filled me.
What am I going to do on the day that I'll likely hear if I have cancer? I will shower, drink tea, fix my hair, clean on the refrigerator a bit, make a grocery list, go to the store, pay bills, do laundry, fix dinner and work on my website. A gloriously normal day. Except.
So weird what you notice as you step out of yourself in a moment you didn't expect. The radiologist who did the biopsy looked like Kevin Costner. Sounded just like any boy from home though. Her hands as she held mine were warm for a change. I asked her to keep him updated. Time seemed different as the doctor pulled specimens from my right breast. What was supposed to take twenty minutes took an hour. But it didn't seem that long. I wasn't sure where I went during the biopsy but I don't think I was fully present. I knew she would be anxious and sure enough when the tech went to get her from the waiting room she was standing near it's door. I wasn't sure I had wanted her to go till I laid down on the bed and the tech went to get the doctor. In that moment, the comfort of her presence filled me.
What am I going to do on the day that I'll likely hear if I have cancer? I will shower, drink tea, fix my hair, clean on the refrigerator a bit, make a grocery list, go to the store, pay bills, do laundry, fix dinner and work on my website. A gloriously normal day. Except.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Ode to You Stubborn Cusses
This will not be news to most of you. Change is up to the person who wishes it.
My mind was on this topic as I drove home this morning. I think we have all had the experience of having an issue presented to us by another. We listen. Offer whatever advice we have if it seems appropriate to do so. I have done this and immediately thereafter realized I had just wasted my time and breath. Rinse. Repeat.
Not wasted in the sense of begrudgment. You are all welcome to my two cents worth. Sometimes you get it whether you want it or not via this blog! Wasted in the sense that all you stubborn cusses are going to do what you want, when you want to do it, regardless of the brilliance, righteousness and appropriateness of my wisdom.
Do you all know this? No I think not because I'm asked for my advice often. Come on!!! Admit it you really don't care what I think (even my loved ones). You just want me to listen and agree with your intended stubborn cuss course of action or inaction. Sigh, what a waste of my brilliance.
Let's discuss my loved ones as they are among the most stubborn cusses I have ever had the dubious pleasure to know. (Yes I love these people)
You all are aggravating as hell. I'm singling out no one here as the merry go round of aggravation stops at various places at various times such that all of you bug the hell out of me regularly.
I'm asked advice on rice, gardening (this may be punishment for all my sinnin'), animal husbandry (including dog psychiatry!), ailments of all kinds ( let's make this perfectly clear, I'll dress up as a nurse in the shortest uniform ever and play doctor with you but as far as real doctorin well I can blow my nose and wipe your ass if need be, but that is the extent of it!!), relationship issues (irony abounds does it not my Brother?) money probs, children situations, business dealings, study habits, apartment hunting, house hunting, and the list goes on!!
And as diverse as all these inquiries are, what they have in common is the end result of my efforts to address them. Absolutely nada. No matter what I say it goes in one ear and out the other. Now I have decently polite friends and loved ones and they are usually grateful for wasting my time but still proceed to do EXACTLY as they were going to prior to getting all up in my face.
I'm really not sure what to do about this. Got any advice?
My mind was on this topic as I drove home this morning. I think we have all had the experience of having an issue presented to us by another. We listen. Offer whatever advice we have if it seems appropriate to do so. I have done this and immediately thereafter realized I had just wasted my time and breath. Rinse. Repeat.
Not wasted in the sense of begrudgment. You are all welcome to my two cents worth. Sometimes you get it whether you want it or not via this blog! Wasted in the sense that all you stubborn cusses are going to do what you want, when you want to do it, regardless of the brilliance, righteousness and appropriateness of my wisdom.
Do you all know this? No I think not because I'm asked for my advice often. Come on!!! Admit it you really don't care what I think (even my loved ones). You just want me to listen and agree with your intended stubborn cuss course of action or inaction. Sigh, what a waste of my brilliance.
Let's discuss my loved ones as they are among the most stubborn cusses I have ever had the dubious pleasure to know. (Yes I love these people)
You all are aggravating as hell. I'm singling out no one here as the merry go round of aggravation stops at various places at various times such that all of you bug the hell out of me regularly.
I'm asked advice on rice, gardening (this may be punishment for all my sinnin'), animal husbandry (including dog psychiatry!), ailments of all kinds ( let's make this perfectly clear, I'll dress up as a nurse in the shortest uniform ever and play doctor with you but as far as real doctorin well I can blow my nose and wipe your ass if need be, but that is the extent of it!!), relationship issues (irony abounds does it not my Brother?) money probs, children situations, business dealings, study habits, apartment hunting, house hunting, and the list goes on!!
And as diverse as all these inquiries are, what they have in common is the end result of my efforts to address them. Absolutely nada. No matter what I say it goes in one ear and out the other. Now I have decently polite friends and loved ones and they are usually grateful for wasting my time but still proceed to do EXACTLY as they were going to prior to getting all up in my face.
I'm really not sure what to do about this. Got any advice?
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