Thursday, December 29, 2011

A Pain in the Ass

When I set my mind to something it usually happens. But try as I might I can do nothing about the fact that the day of my birth is in December, between the biggies of Christmas and New Years. Take that up with my Mom and Dad.

It has presented challenges over the years. I've been known to say I hate my birthday. Why? Because it seems I'm always apologizing for it. Here's how it usually goes-'Oh! It *is* your birthday!' (in a puzzled tone as if to suggest they aren't quite sure what to do about it)
Occasionally people will nail the problem-saying 'We just did Christmas...'
Why yes, that has been the case for every birthday I have ever had.

Yes it is a pain in the proverbial ass. And to be honest not a lot of fun any way you look at it. Usually I just try to get through it with as little fuss as possible. There have a couple of people in my life to whom I've never had to apologize for being born. My Mom always made my day special for me. My Grandma too, with her homemade chocolate cake.

I'm likely as grown up as I can ever expect to be. Despite this alleged maturity, I'll admit that it still hurts to have the day of my birth be an after thought and an inconvenience. On the bright side, like any other day, it will blessedly be only 24 hours long.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Bear Necessities

I'm trying to give myself a pep talk about the holidays. Part of my problem with them is the time of year. Winter and I do not have the best relationship. My depression gets worse. I want to stay in and be lethargic. Under blankets if possible.
Not saying this is a bad thing once and awhile but unless one is a bear hibernation until the spring isn't practical.
So getting through is my next option. I remember telling my older son to enjoy all the aspects of Christmas not just the gifts. That this would give him more to enjoy and make him happier.
I try to do this as well. The lights, music, food and additional socializing are fun for me.
Still, Christmas when your children are grown is a different kind of Christmas. Christmas after and during issues with your spouse is different. I no longer have living parents or in laws.
And thoughts of them are bittersweet.
Shopping is stressful so sometimes I dump more on the spouse then I should. He is very gracious about it. I like to cook but putting together holiday meals involves a lot of planning and work pretty much at the time of year I want to do it least.
This year I have an important person to include in my holiday plans. Someone I don't want to disappoint or let down in any way. Feeling very stressed about that.
I know that my best will have to be good enough. But my best this time of year is getting worse.
And then, next up, my birthday.